I just got in from my wonderfully exhausting week in Louisiana/Texas.
Austin is the best city I've been to in a long time. I wanna live there, I just wish it wasn't in Texas. Seriously though, Aaron and I both loved it and he really wants to move there and I'd love to. I want to right now. Too bad it's impossible.
My camera's kinda broken. If i can get it to work, pictures will be on facebook.
Kristin's wedding was amazing. She was so happy and I enjoyed being a part of it. She's my oldest best friend and I don't get emotional easily, but I almost started bawling when I saw her walk down the aisle. But I knew I wouldn't be able to sing if I did that. Damn emotional mess I am. So I was in the balcony with the organ and when I started singing, she looked up at me and waved from the altar. She's the cutest thing. I miss her and her family. The reception was absolutely stunning, looking over the hills of Austin with the sun setting- Aaron and I were in heaven. I can't wait to put the pics up.
So I was a wreck today coming back to New York. I kept crying on the plane. And I kept wondering what the guy next to me was thinking. He may have though I was crying over the Coehlo book I'm reading that Aaron gave me. Or maybe someone close to me died. Or maybe I had just gotten divorced or had some other tragic break up. But no. I'm an idiot. That's why I'm crying. I'm leaving the man who has and will always be there for me, who thinks I'm attractive even when I'm not, who takes my shit when I'm moody (and honestly, that's often) and who supports whatever I do as long as I'm happy... and I'm happiest with him. Seriously, I pondered not getting on that plane today. I want to be with him everyday so bad.
But he needs to finish school before we can move on with our life. And I also know I'm here for a reason. I have to at least try. My aunt gave me $100 to start on my headshots. Totally unnecessary, but I nice starting point. I'm getting there. I'm just so depressed right now. I loved Austin- it has an ecclectic downtown and lots of nature too. So it pleases both of my sides- a need to be in the middle of a city that is happening and the need to be able to hike and get away and see animals and nature. Also it's nice to be within driving distance of your family.
I'm not giving up, don't judge. I'm just blah. I'm still going at my career with as much vigor as I can handle. I just don't see much coming from it. Luckily I'm going to be ok no matter what happens.
Anyway, I'm stopping here. Enough jibber jabber. I'm supposed to go out tonight but I will be a bum instead. I deserve it. I'm back to waiting tables tomorrow and I have to move this weekend. Gah, I'm over it. I will have some time off next week, so I will do what I can to fall back in love with the greatest city in the world that I am calling home for the time being.